No Longer Dating
So when I started this blog I made a commitment to be transparent. Not because I want my business out on the streets but I’m hopes that it will encourage someone. So in today’s post I’m going to be completely open and honest about why I took a break from dating.
A couple of months ago I made the decision that I was in a place where I was ready and open to dating. Because school keeps me busy and I hardly have the time to be out and about I chose to join some dating apps, entertain whatever guy decided to slide in my DM, or reconnect with old “friends.” My thought was I couldn’t be afraid to put myself out there and I couldn’t be afraid to juggle several guys at once (girl has to have options). But now looking back, I realized I acted out of loneliness. I chose to act on this feeling which caused me to become somewhat desperate. Talking to whichever guy who gave me the time of day just to have a reason to not keep my phone on silent. I had this concept of well at least I get a free meal out of it which meant I was willing to waste my time on someone I knew wasn’t right for me just to keep my weekends busy. When you act out of loneliness you make rash decisions. You do things that you normally would not do out of fear. And the fear of being alone forever is real y’all! Some days it’s hard to just say Jesus is all I need and really believe it!
Needless to say I was dating irresponsibly which meant opening up myself to people who did not deserve to be in my space. Now I’m not saying they were bad guys they were just bad guys for me. As someone who made a commitment to remain celibate and wait to marriage to have...uhm...you know...sex (gasp) I know and understand that’s not many other people choices. Sometimes I would get in my own head and think I needed to relax and bend my own rules. Cause well a girl has needs and I deserve to have some fun...some stress relief...how far is too far...well it’s not like we actually had sex. I had all the reasons and excuses ready for when I decided to no longer wait and just do it because I wanted to and felt the need to. I was willing to bulldoze over any boundary I had set in place and negate my commitment not only to myself but to God. And for what? A few minutes of what may or may not be a pleasurable experience.
Funny thing is I knew if I was to have sex it would only bring me back to a place where I began to question my worth again. It would bring me back to a place where I believed all I had to offer was sex. And I was not trying to go back to being that lost little girl!
I wanted to so desperately write my own love story because I thought I was ready for a relationship. Even though I may be ready to date I was going about it all the wrong way. I wanted to take control of my life rather than entrusting my heart to God. I was willing to do what I needed to keep a man (even if it meant offering my body) just so I can have someone to call my own (no I didn’t have sex but came close to several times)!
Girl! God had to check me!!! He flat out just asked me why I didn’t trust Him enough? I trusted Him in certain areas of my life like finances, getting into medical school...but not with my relationship. I forgot that He’s my Father and has my best interest at heart. He did say that “it’s not good for man to be alone.” And so this season of singleness no matter how long it seems is just temporary! And when the time is right and when I’m willing to do it His way He’ll write the most beautiful love story and when I look back 60 years later I can say it was all God.
So sis, do you trust God enough to direct your love story? Don’t rush into something because of fear but continue to wait on God! It’ll be worth it!
~ No Longer Dating
Top (Old) - River Island
Skirt (Out of Stock) - ASOS
Purse - Forever 21
Shoes - JustFab